That’s a long time ago.
But he still makes the most sense to me. I went to Sunday school for years as a child because I wanted to, not because my parents made me. My mother taught me to pray but she didn’t sit by my bed every night. I prayed then, and still now, because I want to. It brings me some comfort. But I question my faith on a daily basis.
Am I a true believer, or am I hedging my bets?
Doesn’t matter. I’ll never know for sure if there is a God until I close my eyes for the last time and I’m in no hurry to do that. But I do know there was a Marcus Aurelius and he sounds sensible to me. If there is a God, and he is good and just, He will not hold it against me if I have my doubts. Unless…
Reincarnation. What if, because I wasn’t as devout as some, He decides to send me back as a mole? I don’t like moles. They’re ugly, blind, and never see the sun. I wouldn’t want to be a mole.
I have no choice. I can’t take the chance. I better believe or God will turn me into a mole.
No, I can’t believe that either. That doesn’t sound like justice to me. So, limbo it is. Limbo in life, probably limbo after death. Waffle my way through eternity.
But then I read me some Carl Sagan.
Born 1934, died 1996, Sagan was a scientist and agnostic. He believed extraordinary claims required extraordinary evidence. He would believe in God when someone came up with irrefutable proof. Until then, he wouldn’t disbelieve, he just wouldn’t believe.
Still waffling, but at least now I feel I’m in good company.